Letter 2

Feb. 10th, 2013 02:31 am
chiefofsinners: (Default)
[personal profile] chiefofsinners
Hey it's me again...
Without my meds in my system and with him here, I can't really concentrate unless I write down my thoughts. My mind just wanders.
I just wanted to thank You for the things that You showed me last night. Even though it was late and I definitely was feelinge it in the morning, I learned so much from that short time. I'm sorry I let my short attention span get in the way of real quality face time. Thank You for teaching me despite all of that.

Please help me focus only on You right now. Not my tiredness. Not my worries about life right now. Not on him and what he's doing or whether he's looking over here or not. That's just plain stupid.

Thank You for all of Your blessings today. Thank You so much for all the time I had to organise my thoughts and to figure out what I need to get ready for Monday. I really feel out of my depth without any curriculum to work from. I keep remembering more things that I need to do before then and it's seriously damaging my calm. Please help me to remain focussed and to get everything done that I need to get done. Help my brain not to freeze up like it usually does when I get overwhelmed.

And help me not to worry about staying in Korea. I want so desperately to stay. Of course, You know that. But really, I've come to love it here, problems notwithstanding. I've become part of a community here. And You've taught me so much through being here. I feel like there's so much I can still learn, and not just about Korea. I feel like there's still so much for me to learn about You too. I can't believe I've learned so much in only nine months, but there it is.

Thank You for Arnold. And thank You for my BSF. And for Pastors Dave, Drew, Tae, Dan, Sangmin and all of the others who have come and spoken. I can see such a clear narrative that You've chosen to weave these past nine months, and even further back than that, really. And thank You for Your reproof and gentle correction through these people. I feel like I would still be in the same rut as always if You hadn't sent Arnold as a catalyst. You do such amazing works through Your people. I'm still in awe that You would go through such effort. I almost don't feel like I'm worth it. Thank You for thinking that I'm worth all of it. You are so amazing, beyond anything I've ever known.

And please help me with this whole schpiel with him. I feel like I take about five steps forward and then about ten backwards. And it's slowly driving me nuts. I just want my own mind and my won heart back. I want to be the master of my own heart again. And I don't want to base my relationship with You on my feelings for him. once again, that's just stupid. Please help me to come into control of myself once again. Just help me take my thoughts captive constantly, especially when it interferes with my relationship with You.

Okay, I'm going to wrap it up now. But I ask that You just continue to renew my mind. That I would always be mindful of You and Your awesomeness, even when I'm not here. And help me to glorify You in everything, even in working this weekend.

I love You.

P.S. Haha, very funny...

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March 2013

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